You maybe going thru withdrawl if you stopped taking your meds. I think you should tell your pdoc this and not get the refills to have them on supply in order to OD if you need to do that.
You need to see a therapist to work on your depression. suicide is not the way out of your depression.
Your family would be devastated if you killed yourself.
please don't make this your back up plan. You need coping skills and a mental tool box.

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I see a therapist every couple weeks but progress is very slow. My fault.

Im not depressed though and Im not suicidal at all right now I just feel uncomfortable without a plan. Before I went on meds I hadnt been suicidal for 10 years so hoping I will be better now.