I definitely know what you mean. The holidays trigger me. I've had a lot of losses and things weren't the way they used to be. I miss a different time in my life where I'd go to my grandparents house and things were better than they are now (although there's certainly been a lot of ups and downs). Family drama makes it even worse. Also, I hate standing on lines and crowds. However, I have a spending problem, so there's too much temptation when it comes to all the things that are out.

New Year's is especially bad for me. I am a little bit lonely, but at the same time, I want to be alone. I hope this year will be better than last year and the year before, because I was horribly depressed, and my problems with alcohol were making it worse as well. There's too much pressure to "celebrate" and appear happy, which makes it super hard when you're depressed. That's what I despise.