Lavendera,
I know I am late in this posing, so maybe things have gotten better for you since last week. (I am hoping!)
I relate to your story, because I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend in college. I don't mean to jump to conclusions about your husband, but it does sound like there is some verbal abuse happening there...even if he doesn't mean it. Is it possible that your depression is as a result of how he makes you feel?
I remember so well in my relationship how small I felt, and how I didn't feel like I deserved my boyfriend. He yelled at me the same way because I woudl cry so easily and it only made me cry harder. It was such a vicious cycle and seemed impossible to get out.
Well, let me tell you now that I DID get out. It was one of the hardest transitional phases I'd ever gone through in my life. It took me years to learn that HE was the monster, and the only thing I was doing wrong was letting him control my emotions. That was 10 years ago. I am now married to an amazing man who would NEVER treat me that way. Sure, we fight, but I never feel smaller than him, or not worthy of him. I am an incredibly emotional person who struggles with depression and highs and lows of it all. But no matter what issues I am having in my life, he is the one thing I know will never reject me or leave me. He deals with my crying and hysterics like a champ, making me laugh, helping me to see that I am strong and good and capable of getting through whatever issue I am having.
That is what a partner does. That is what YOU deserve, and what you should fight for. Believe me, I know how hard it is to see what I am saying. I was there. But, I promise you, it doesn't have to be that way, and you have the ability to see that and make a change. There is nothing wrong with you for FEELING. You should never feel like a burden to your husband. NEVER. He is one person who should NEVER reject you. It doesn't matter that you don't cook or clean. A husband should be there for you through all the difficult times you may go through.Period.Wouldn't you do the same for him? You are a beautiful, giving, caring person. You deserve to feel that way every day of your life. I believe in you. If I can get through it, so can you. I am here if you need to talk!
Zar