This may not make total sense. Sent to T last night.

Saw a Facebook post about a 13 y/o boy runaway ...left a note saying saying he didn’t want to be found. No further info. Ppl are commenting ‘why did he run away?’

It’s throwing me back about 45 years when I overdosed at our church’s sleep away camp when I was probably 16 or 17.

Ppl asked me, ‘why?’ But I didn’t have the words to tell them. ‘Were you molested?’ I said, ‘No.’ Because I wasn’t. I didn’t know how to describe the trauma I was feeling at home with my family, at school being unpopular and bullied, and the same in my neighborhood. I didn't belong anywhere. I didn’t know about how ‘anxiety’ related to me. I didn’t know how to explain, ‘going away.’ I didn’t want to admit cutting. I didn’t know how to talk about feeling rejected. Or beaten. Or terrorized. And no one saying they are sorry. No soft place to fall.

I was miserable. I was caught in horrid depression so BAD that I promised myself I will NEVER let me feel like that EVER again.

What really happened is I was depressed all that week at camp. Well, I didn’t make it the whole week...but I was trying to go to sleep one night there at camp and my depression would always come and I would just cry and cry..so I had brought some Valium and Soma from our medicine cabinet with me. (Someone else’s prescriptions)

All I wanted to do, really, was bypass my depression and get to sleep. One Valium didn’t work so I took more..then I took more. Then I realized I had probably taken too much and I went and told someone.

Really, I hadn’t planned this out. The only planning was my bringing the medication with me. I wasn’t looking for drama or attention. I really wasn’t even consciously looking to try to tell someone my life sucked.
I had no words to tell that to anyone bc I thought most families were like mine, anyway.

I’m just laying here, now, in the dark and I’m taken back to that time...

and I’m telling you so I know SOMEONE IS HEARING THAT LITTLE GIRL THAT I WAS!