My Support Forums - View Single Post - Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVI

LabRat27 · Nov 11, 2018, 10:33 PM

one of those work/school related triggers that makes me feel really anxious and overwhelmed and want to run away and avoid has come up. It came up Friday and i've been avoiding it. I need to deal with it by tomorrow.

Possible trigger:

Six months ago this would have meant an ER visit.
I think this is one of those crossroads.
If I deal with it without hurting myself to prepare to deal with it then it will mean I'm really doing things differently now.
I'm going back and forth. I haven't made up my mind.
I'm scared.
If I do this without hurting myself it's a big deal.
It feels like the moment of truth. And I don't know what I want.

It's harder because I'm hurt right now and I don't want it to seem like things are okay between us and I want to be Dramatic and reject all the "progress"
I want you to feel bad. I want you to be disappointed.
When we talked about the two types of attention/caring, I don't want type A. I want type B.

I don't want you to get to be happy or proud.

Possible trigger:

I want to hurt myself in a dramatic way to say "**** you" and show you that I haven't actually changed

I don't want to have gotten better enough to have to deal with this. I want to be sick and broken and hide from everything.