I dealt with it

I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I don't know why. The actual emails weren't that bad. My PI is somewhat frustrated but not angry and it was at the super urgent but not the "too late to be salvageable" point. I still need to send some emails tomorrow and sort some things out, but it's no longer the scary unknown of only having read the first few lines in the notification and having been too scared to open the email.

I'm just tired and sad and I feel all alone and I want to be able to think about you being proud of me but I'm still too hurt and that just makes me feel even more sad and alone



edit: that friend who I talk to the most about this stuff just texted me about something else and I asked him if he wanted to meet up for coffee so we're meeting up in like fifteen minutes. I'm making good decisions. I'll probably even talk to him about this and my current emotions towards you.
Idk how I feel about the fact that I'm making these choices.
P.S. you know he's gay, right? I can't remember if that's come up in our conversations, and if it hasn't you're probably hoping we'll fall for each other or something, but it seems kind of weird to mention out of the blue.