Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66
larry64 - I actually understand this. I had a previous relationship where it was drastically impacted by my husband's relationships with women. A great deal of it was troubling to me and I found some of it inappropriate. And yes, I got really jealous. As one example it bothered me that he would socialise with female friends in ways he wouldn't with me. He would meet them for lunch for example yet never did the same with me. What particularly bothered me was the idea he would have confidants outside of our own relationship. The way I saw it was that it ought to be me that he was sharing his fears, emotions, tribulations, and even the positives with. That was my job as a partner not theirs. It was very upsetting when I realised he would be discussing with them things he wouldn't with me.
So yeah, all in all I am uncomfortable with my mate having female friends of any kind. This is problematic for me. I have told my current boyfriend my feelings on this and he has curbed the extent of his socialization. Still, I am aware there are still female acquaintances and colleagues he remains in touch with. I have drawn the line though at the manner in which he relates and communicates with them - absolutely no texting and social media. Absolutely no contact with friends he doesn't know in real life. This is a deal breaker. If I were to find out he was the relationship would be off.
I wonder though about your own behaviour. What manner of friends do you have and in what manner do you maintain the relationship. I have limited myself from having any friendships with other men as I find it inappropriate. If you on the other hand had female acquaintances of your own I don't think you would have had a valid argument against your partner's own relationships with other men - friends or otherwise.
|
Thank you for the reply.
I agree with everything you have stated. Sharing emotions with someone of the opposite sex, outside the relationship, should not be allowed. "Emotional Affairs" can take hold at any moment and that should be eliminated at all costs. Also, I feel as though all texts should be "Transparent" to eliminate any suspicion and help in understanding what is and what isn't allowed, within texts. This is all new to me. I always felt from my past marriage, lessons learned the very hard way, all opposite sex communication was out of bounds. Certainly, there are instances where it is appropriate, but as you stated, share your emotional feelings with me, your spouse, not with your opposite sex friends. As far as myself, I have two females friends, not sure you could call them friends though, they are more like acquaintances, that I mentor. Would I give communication up with these two individuals, if it caused troubles in my relationship with my mate, certainly, in a heart beat. My mate is my life and to make any relationship work out, especially a marriage, an individual should be willing to put their mates needs first. That is just how I was raised and how I always lived my life. Obviously everyone doesn't live by them standards and wasn't raised that way, so people all have different philosophies on what's right and wrong. I do believe that, 'a happy wife is a happy life" if you try and live by that motto, things will certainly be better I feel in any relationship. Obviously, the door should swing both ways, but someone has to be willing to initiate the first steps. I may be old fashioned, lol, but I stand by my philosophies, believing in, "you reap what you sow"
So yes, in changing a few of my personal views, from past relationships that went awry, I was able to restore my present relationship. They say "You can't teach old dogs new tricks" but I tell you this, if that old dog cares enough about the woman he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with her, he better change the way he sees some things in life, (so I did)
Have a great week and stay positive. Remember, "Your day is what you make it!"