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Originally Posted by giddykitty
Speaking of wanting to cancel appointments, I'm not sure if I want to keep my therapy appointment tomorrow because I'm afraid it could be one of my bad period days, you know, the one day a month where i'm in so much pain I don't get out of bed. (I feel like a broken record on this, but maybe I haven't said it enough on this site.) Anyway, so I'm not sure if that day will be tomorrow and I am stressing about having to make this decision to cancel or not. The other problem is that I'll have to likely cancel or reschedule next week's therapy too. I'm starting to feel like giving up on therapy altogether, this DBT therapy, because I don't know if I'm advancing quick enough, making enough progress. Sigh
I was also stressed today because I had to make a meal that took a bit of concentration. Of course it ended up better than I'd feared, but I think I was so anxious I was going over and over it prior and that prepped me. I'm exhausted though.
Just to catch up, last week I saw my primary care doctor after a long time. We talked about a LOT of stuff. I don't even know what to share, except that he seems convinced that my health issues are causing my mood issues and that one day we might change my meds accordingly. Oh it's another stressor. I know I'm in good hands with him, but his practice is kinda far from home.
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I fell apart last week making tacos and rice. Rice ended up unedible. Sometimes, if you don't laugh about it, you cry. Most of the time, I cannot cook anything that requires much concentration. I have just one go-to easy recipe I've been cooking since high school (chili & cornbread). I know the measurements, cook times, oven temperature for the bread. I can cook that on auto-pilot. Anything else is up in the air. Even though I have a rice cooker, my success rate with it is about 2 out of 3 times, better than the 1 out of 10 I started with. And it's usually not a total flop; I just have to add water & cook more or cook more to cook the moisture out. But the stupid thing goes through a 10 minute process before restarting. If I manage to make cheese quesadillas with a quesadilla maker, it's a miracle. Last time I tried, I put down one tortilla and cheese and closed the device, not topping it with the 2nd tortillas first  I often feel like I am just a total airhead.
God, there used to be a time I could cook this pasta crab casserole, a million things going on at once or make vegetarian lasagna with tofu (you never noticed the tofu), but the recipe was complicated. I don't know if I could even concentrate enough to bake cookies.
Sorry about the issues going on healthwise. Waiting on doctor's appointments and test results is just the pits.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, anorexia, panic disorder, ADHD
Seroquel, Cymbalta, propanolol, buspirone, Trazodone, gabapentin, lamotrigine, hydroxyzine,
There's a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.
--Leonard Cohen
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