What's the point? I won't get the positive attention/caring I want either. Not in the way I want it. You're going to smile and look pleased or whatever, but I want more than that. It's just going to feel inadequate and that's going to hurt more.

I made good choices anyway. Coffee was good. I told him about my super irrational conclusions about you not caring about me and he gets it because he's the same way. He's the same friend I text the cognitive distortion bingo board to. He was like "just checking, you know how distorted this is, right?" and I was like "no, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm being super rational right now. Clearly my therapist was lying and has never cared about me at all."

And it was a really good evening because the cute barista he's always drooling over was working and it was clear that the barista was also into him. Long story short, he wanted to make a move but couldn't figure out how and so when he went in to get a refill and the barista was outside putting away chairs I told the barista that my friend thought he was cute and the barista was all flustered and said he thought the same and now they're texting and have a date this weekend. And he's all gushy and excited and sending me screenshots of their texts and I'm really happy for him.

And you're going to turn this around and point out that I'm happy for my friend and care about him when he's happy, not just when he's hurting, and that people will still care about me if I get better.