I'm in a similar predicament with my exh and it took years to get to a point of being amicable. There's been health scares during these years on both sides. And times like those put perspective on life and focus on what happens for the kids if anything happened to either one of us. We're going to need to choose civility for graduations and weddings and other major life events. It's considered in my social circle coparenting.
Are there times when putting on the parenting front that I cringe and remind myself the divorce was the right call? Absolutely.
I've met others through these years that also coparent. It's not inappropriate to discuss what's going on in the kids lives. It maybe atypical but I know how important he is to my sons. They are 15,13,11. I've been divorced 8.5years.