I was thinking earlier.... and this isn't the huge reason that I KNOW is stopping me... but maybe the idea of verbalizing it makes it real. Right now, I can "deny" it and ignore it easier if need be. It helps me push the feelings away more often....

Kinda like how feeling I'm ugly is one thing but saying I'm ugly, adds a whole new level to it. Even though actions do speak louder than words, internally, I think words can be "scary" in a sense. Too real. Too scary. I think saying it would make me feel like "I gotta quit now, I've ruined everything."

Luckily the past few sessions there hasn't been such a strong urge, so maybe it's fading, I can only hope.