I do not mean this in a flippant way at all, but there is one thing you haven't tried in these 15 years, which is testing out the ideas of this T rather than coming up with quite a creative number of excuses and questions to stay stuck in this place. However you feel now is not always the way you're going to feel. Try moving forward one step at a time, you can always go back to your other place. She's leading you towards somewhere you haven't been before. Where you are sounds really hard, a tough way to live. Maybe a leap of faith to follow her will get you to a better place. You don't have to go all in, just the next step, to try.