This is for the insatiably curious or just anyone and everyone. I consider myself someone who would easily and habitually go above and beyond what conscious awareness can reveal, in any form. This is not something I have learned in therapy but a natural, effortless feature of mine that I have applied in many ways during my life so far: science (my main profession), philosophy, art, and many personal endeavors in how I live my life. I am often criticized that my observations and interpretations are too rational, but that is hard for me to process as it calls for something I don't even know how to process mentally or do. My biggest ordeal in mental health was addiction - mostly alcohol but I have been in solid sobriety/recovery for more than 2 years now. At this point of my life, I am reasonably happy and balanced in terms of addictive and obsessive tendencies. Anxiety is something I've accepted to deal with life-long.

My biggest challenge still is fluctuating motivation - pretty much in my whole life - like a Bipolar II pattern, which a psychiatrist also diagnosed me with and I also identify with it. It can be very annoying as I am otherwise a very ambitious person and I know what I like and want in general. Very self-driven in general. I don't even have substantial issues with relationships, I have had some very meaningful relationships and can maintain them, e.g I'm in a happy romantic one currently and have the couple close friends I know I need. But this motivational ups and downs have been devastating to both my career and personal life. I tried therapy for it, to no avail. Have not tried medications yet but open to it at this point. Mental health problems, especially anxiety and depression, run in my family. I also tend to be drawn to other people with similar bipolar patterns. My life/career has been marked with these ups and downs, some of them were years in patterns and others just months or even weeks. It can get quite self-destructive in both cycles. Funny that I post this at all as I seem to know so well what my issue is (bipolar)! I just still refuse to seek proper treatment for it.

Any suggestion?