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Also, I found out she's talking to her best friend about this whole situation, and her best friend is sending her web resources saying that my relationship with my ex is unhealthy. So that's not helping at all.
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I agree with TishaBuv.
You can figure out for yourself what is healthy for you and for your children. Whatever articles gf and her best friend dig up are irrelevant.
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1. Just because she is the mother of your four children, doesn't make her family.
2. If she's your family, go be with your family
3. You're in a relationship with your ex wife.
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I'm having difficulty seeing how your gf is going to accept any sort of connection with your ex.
She wants you to have your ex entirely out of your life.
I think you are going to have to choose between the relationship with your ex and your kids that you and your kids want, and a relationship with the gf (which includes the relationship with your kids that gf wants you to have).
Which do you choose?