It's complicated. More complicated than I care to discuss fully.

I'm just hurting tonight. Watching my ex (of five years) sleep next to my best friend... it just ****ing hurts.

I've told them, since I found out he likes her, that they're also friends and I'm not gonna ruin that by getting my friend to quit talking to him. That'd be wrong, at least how I see it, it would be. The things he does for her, all of the **** he's willing to do, it's so much more than we ever had. God... I can't look at them without sending my mind into chaos.

I live with my friend, so it's nearly impossible to not be around him doting on her. I don't know how she feels about him, but she's not really even attempting to stop it from happening. Which leads me to believe that she likes him back on some level.

Today, I told my ex that I care about them both a lot and whatever happens, happens. I lied and said I'd be okay with it and that I'd just disappear for a while until I got my head on straight. I might end up living with some family half way across the country for a few months.