Yes, there is an awful lot of knowledge and literature on all this, from many different perspectives, including how motivation works in the brain (I do research myself that is related) and practical methods to deal with lows and overcome procrastination. That article is interesting, too. I know this is one of the most common issues people have, and people of the high-achiever variety often struggle with it. I chose my second therapist in part because he advertised himself as a T working with this high achiever mentality and associated issues. We had countless really good and insightful discussions on it and it did help some in the moment, but did not resolve my pattern at all. Including that it is hard to give up or lower the quality standards if one is almost always rewarded for achieving them, when a certain level of it happens. Not just externally (wish I were that externally motivated) but inside.

Stopdog - I do want to be more consistently motivated because it would make it easier to get things done and to be aligned with my own standards and self-expectations. Instead of so often working in the neurotic ways I do and causing insane amounts of stress to myself. So I guess that's a form of motivation by itself. It is not mysterious at all how it works in the brain via reward (it does not really matter if external or just self-perceived) and reinforcement. This is where, I often think, my brain is somewhat deficient, somewhere in the biochemical processes that generate self-perceived success and resulting reinforcement cycles. It gets off-balance very easily. What is hard for me to understand why I still have the feeling of wanting but then not doing, and so intensely that I tend to torture myself with it like this. I know there are many logical gaps and contradictions in all this and in what I am saying here. I feel this way often and usually keep it to myself at this point because it seems like and endless pattern and may be best to let go of it rather than obsessing. But still get hooked on it like today and I never spoke about it this directly here, so...

I know it is a stupid first world problem and if I looked at my life in the objective way I tend to claim I do, there is no problem really. Especially now that I am not self-destructing via abusing my own body in various ways. More just this silly internal torture about it, about never enough I guess. For those that like Schema concepts and therapy, I think my issues is a perfect example of the Impaired Limits domain. I believe it is not what many people seek that sort of therapy for as, on the surface, it may not seem like much of a problem... but, I think, many people with it end up in my kind of obsessive and addictive patterns and self-destruction.