Feeling kinda down today for no reason. Just a tiny bit. I’ve been extremely exhausted the past two days. Coffee is not helping. I’m worried about my usual fall depression showing up. Wouldn’t be good timing. I feel like calling out of work tomorrow because my student won’t be there and I don’t know where they will put me and that’s always anxiety inducing for me. I’m comfortable in my own classroom and being stuck in a new place where I don’t know the routine is a little uncomfortable. But I’m taking two days off next week to go to Tennessee so I won’t call out.

I see my pdoc in ten days so if I don’t feel better or feel worse I at least have that coming up. Maybe it will just be a blip like my hypomania was a blip.

I’m feeling bad about myself because I’m so heavy. The caffeine makes me hungry (I know it’s supposed to suppress your appetite but it has the opposite effect on me) so I’m eating an extra snack in between lunch and dinner. And I’m not choosing healthy food either. I’m also spending too much money on food still. I grab lunch out most days. I only spend like $5 but still, $5x5 is $25 a week. Plus again, it’s not healthy.

Sigh. I have no motivation to eat healthier. Maybe when I’m not feeling down I’ll do better.

At least I’ve still not had a real cigarette. I smell it on other people sometimes and I really want one but then I remember I have to stand outside in the cold and I decide against it. Hopefully by the time spring rolls around I’ll be well into my quit time and won’t want it as much. Winter is a good motivator

It’s supposed to be the first snowfall tomorrow. But it’s not supposed to accumulate so at least there’s that. I have my snow brush ready though just in case. I have an awesome new winter coat I bought that’s very warm. I should find my hat and gloves too. Then I’ll be set.

Hopefully I’m back to normal tomorrow.