Im sorry about your nephew. I hate that I ever even consider that way out because I can only imagine how hard it would be on my family. I have three little boys and a husband who I know love me.

I hadnt been suicidal in 10 years and never had a manic episode until I started meds. I know I will deal with depression again. Its a major part of my life but I hope it will be less extreme, the way it used to be.

Thank you for the reminder to keep a level head about it though and I certainly am not encouraging others to go off their medication but for me this has literally been the worst 2 years of my entire life and I dont know how to not blame the meds when I have been high as a kite or trying to end my life almost all the time.

I did have one period where I figured I could do a lot of things I had never done before and started a lot of projects before crashing into a fairly bad depression which is when I finally went on meds but Im not sure if that was hypomania or anything. Other than that possibly and the way I react to antidepressants there is nothing else in my life that makes me think the bipolar diagnosis is right. Although I guess my Dad and sister also have this diagnosis but meds always worked fine according to them. None of this sh** to deal with. This is just all so hard.