Unfortunately I don't know what to tell you about this. I've had similar concerns. No matter how much I might want to be different than I am, psychologically speaking, in the end I always just seem to end up reacting in the same old ways.

I read, fairly regularly, about how pathways get worn into the brain, sort-of like ruts in a dirt road. And the longer one's thoughts & emotions continue to run down those pathways, the "deeper" they become & the harder it is to get out of them. I've also read that a lot more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically like to believe. And, then too, perhaps there's a genetic component mixed in here as well.

I think, whatever the cause(s), the reality is it can take a long time, & a lot of work, to establish new patterns in the way one reacts to things especially when it comes to such things as emotions. When all is calm & everything is going well one can, perhaps, manage to be more thoughtful... more emotionally balanced. But when the going gets rough the tendency, I think, is simply to fall back into those same old well-worn patterns.

You mentioned you take med's & attend appointments. I don't know if you also see a therapist. If not, that might be something to consider if you can. I think having the opportunity to delve into this, to discuss incidents where you broke down emotionally & how you might have handled the situations differently, over time might help you to implement new ways of managing your emotions. I do think you probably would need to keep doing this repeatedly over a period of time though. Simply discussing it occasionally with a family member or friend, or even with a therapist, isn't likely to result in the kind of lasting change you want to achieve I don't believe. The way of handling emotions you want to change has presumably been in place a long time. It's likely to take time & work to change them. Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your post.