Any better today?
Tonight in t we talked about some of that stuff for the first time. This was really different than other times because of t's stance from it. I mean, she sat as close to me as possible (i almost felt claustrophobic) but did not say any sorrys or oh my gosh that shouldn't have happened to you, she didn't get bad at the perps... and it was easier for me to contain because of it. she just listened with her typical stern look and i told her more than i expected to. so now, i'm not having a reaction to it -like i would have in the past with other t's. i told her two memories. thankfully for me, i'd already gone through the horriffic "flashback from hell" stage several years ago. i just hadn't really processed them.

I'm concerned for you - i know what those are like - so scary and real, and feel inside your body, and you can't get away. Keep holding on to reality, remember there's us out here who care, remind yourself that was then and now you are an adult... remind yourself that you're "with you" now - when before you didn't have that. you were just there and it was being done to you. but now you "have you" which you didn't have last time... if that makes sense. grab a stuffy to keep close...... thinking of you.

kiya