In my first week at university I met a great guy, who was the only other person there not into getting drunk/high every night, and so we spent a lot of time together. We started dating, and then I got hit with a major chronic illness, which destroyed my independance and self-confidence. The guy stayed with me, then moved to London and I followed him, starting a new job there. Then I made friends with a guy who I am convinced is my soul mate in many, many ways, who really understood me and restored a lot of my confidence. He was with someone else however, and 8 months later married her, to my complete surprise as they were really not at all suited. My relationship with Uni Guy was going ok, even though we were very different, and once the other guy married I gave up hope and decided my guy would do - I didn't really believe in love. back then, and felt indebted to him because he loved me.

Two years down the line, and the guy who married the other girl admitted to me he made a mistake, and should have married me...but niether of us had the confidence to split with our partners at the time to be together...we just let the tide carry us. My marriage is strained too...the differences in our lives have got more and more apparent, and I just end up spending most of my time alone.

I am torn between sticking with the decision I made out of duty, and the decision I should have made to be with the guy I love. We are both in counselling with our partners and in individual therapy, and have agreed to try and find the kindest way to do the right thing.

Has anyone else been there, and how did you handle the situation?