Quote:
Originally Posted by weaverbeaver
I have come to realise lately that I am never going to be able to leave therapy voluntarily.
The longer I see t the more I love her. I have tried to deny these feelings for a long time but they just keep getting stronger. I have tried leaving before but I always crawl back. The thing is that t knows I will always come back no matter what she says or does and sometimes she has been extremely cruel and I still go back.
I feel stuck in this horrible place. I was so trigger last weekend I was in a really bad place, I text t on Sunday and she rang, I realised after our phone call that t can’t be that person for me, I want a real person to soothe me.
I want someone in my real life to ring and calm me down and tell me everything is going to be ok.
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Your reason is strong in this post. Are you sure that you can't resist the feelings that draw you back? It doesn't sound like "love", whatever it is that draws you back. It sounds like something else -- need or something.
It is very reasonable, too, to want someone in real life to love, and who can love you, too. Is there anyone like that in your life right now? Has there ever been? Can you think of any ways that you might change the circumstances of your life to give yourself more opportunity to find and have people like that in your life?
For me, a meetup support group in recent years has provided a sense of real people, really caring, more than I ever got in therapy. Even if you want a special relationship with someone, sometime, which I don't because I had one with my late husband, I think caring about and being cared for by people in a support group is a better start than a "reparative" relationship with one (paid) therapist. The relationships I have with members of the support group are increasingly personal and individual friendships. We soothe and calm each other down, although there are limits. We can't always be there, all the time, for everybody. But we are there, sometimes, and it is good.