Feeling REALLY BLAH tonight. I need to talk it out, and I'm choosing relationship forum, because it has to do some with dating, and also I feel my blahness is affecting my motivation to keep commitments. I REALLY don't want to go to church tomorrow. It's a cloud over my head like "Noooooo." I do want to go to meditation before church. But I'm so not into church lately. I signed up to do coffee hour cleanup with someone else, after church, and I feel like SUCH an asshole because I may not do it. Just the thought of it is really hard. I know it sounds weird. I wanted to get more involved there, but...UGH. I did message the woman I'm supposed to be helping out alongside how I'm feeling. So I'll see. I wish I could just push myself. I'm not like that though.

So thats one issue. The next issue, is I have been talking to a guy I haven't met yet, from a dating site, and he is just looking for sex. He is separated from his wife since over the summer. He is a college professor. He is real. I looked him up. He is nice. He is not going to push me to have sex. We are just going to meet sometime next week. I have been really really hot and cold about that though. I told him I wouldn't. then I said I changed my mind. But I feel icky about it. Because he's intelligent like me. And I may like him. And I don't want to get attached. And if we have sex and I like him, and the sex, then I will get attached. And then hurt. And I am really sensitive about changes in my environment. Even new people. And something about this feels wrong and icky. Even though I'm super curious about the situation, and flattered that he likes me.

Please, no sex / slut shaming, ok. I see NOTHING wrong with a woman having sex and hooking up. The problem I have is, I don't want to. And I'm kind of scared to say that to him. Like, I changed my mind again. I don't even know if I changed my mind. I want to meet him. But I am not enjoying the way I'm feeling tonight, thinking about it. We may not even have sex. Just meet for coffee, and talk. He's fine with that. Also, please don't talk down about this guy that you do not know because I don't know him either and don't have a fully formed opinion. I'm just looking for advice and support, and an answer of some sort.

If somebody asked me "What do you want to do, KnitChick?" I'd say "I want to meet this guy maybe. But I don't like the way I feel right now. And I don't think I'm going to go to church tomorrow. I'm not going to go. And depending what that woman says, I may not help out after coffee either." I still want / need advice and someone to talk to about this though!!!