I’m sorry for the overposting these days, but I am still struggling and this is one of the few things that makes the pain I’m feeling a tiny bit less overwhelming. This is mostly a venting post. I feel so ashamed of how attached to ex T I was. The truth is, I’m afraid I’ll never be happy without her. I loved her and connecting with her felt unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. It was ecstasy. Like an overwhelming dose of oxytocin filled my body at once. I know that how unhealthy that sounds, but I don’t know how to live without it. I know that there was a good chance the rollercoaster I was on was not going to end and I’d be living in those ups and downs and long as I was with her. I’d like to beleive I would’ve made it through at some point in working with her, but I just don’t know. I miss her. I keep going in circles in my mind, hoping she’ll take me back and then feeling like there’s no way she ever will after what I did. I wish my only hope for happiness didn’t rely on her taking me back because I know that true happiness must come within me and without her. I just feel like there is a void inside me that will only go away if she is back in my life or if I find someone to replace her.