On Monday I had a session with T in which I was telling him about a hard situation that can't be changed and that is, for all involved, pretty s*it. I won't go into details because the details aren't important, but it was something akin to someone dying and him saying it would be pointless, at this point, for him to try to say anything.

Have you ever had a session in which you told T something so sad that they didn't really know what to say and they just sat there with you in solidarity? My crazy had is now making up all sorts of scenarios of "what if he feels like he can't help me?" "what if he tells me to leave?" but the rational part of my brain keeps reminding me that given the situation, there really isn't anything anyone can say to make it better, so him acknowledging that is ok. It doesn't mean that he'll give up on me.

I literally live in constant fear of him terminating me and even though he reassured me several times that he won't chuck me out, I still end up seeing "signs" that he's about to do it everywhere. I feel so awkward about it every time I bring it up, but i just NEED the reassurance so much. At the moment, I'm convinced that because i've been in therapy for over a year, he'll end up thinking that im not making progress and refer me. I think that i am, for the most part, making progress, but im still worried.

At the moment im finding it very hard to live like this and i don't know what to do.