Sundays.

I used to crave these days when I was little. I wanted to see my friends in youth group. I wanted to learn about a higher power watching over me. I wanted to make my grandmother proud. "Life is a test to see if we're worthy of God" is what my grandma would tell me when I'd confide in her about how hard my mind was on me.

I hate these days now. There are no friends to really see anymore, no community. I have no interest in learning of a higher power that doesn't give a damn about me. I've let my grandma down. "Life isn't worth the effort" is what my mind is telling me.

This isn't meant to offend anyone's religion. I'm just explaining how I feel. How I believe that when I die, I'll simply be nothing. There's no soul to be had, there's no light leading me somewhere safe. It's just darkness. I'm craving that darkness. My grandma would be so ashamed of me if she could see me now. I've renounced religion and everything she ever taught me.

I'm so tired of waking up to Sundays.