(((((((( Colleen )))))))))))))
You are not abandoning him - he's right in your heart and couldn't be any closer.
Maybe you can allow yourself to keep some things and gifting the rest to someone else. That is perfectly logical. When my best friend died, I kept anything that reminded me of him - a Red Robin mini robin from our fav restaurant, a stuffy seahorse he won at the fair and threw at me... a mood ring he gave me. It's been 7 years and I still have all that - I don't plan on letting go of them.
ANd your son is much closer to you than even that - he's a part of you. Keep breathing, know he's right there, in your very breath - created by you, always with you.
Hugging you tight!!!!