My clients didn't talk to me about quitting. With each of them, the last time I saw them I told them when I would be coming back (they are all nursing home residents, and I visited them there). They all agreed about the next visit, and none told me that they weren't interested in continuing. My supervisor had been their therapist before I started, but they had run out of funding and she has to do billable work. But she stopped by to check in with them and they told her they would rather just have her drop in as she could, and not have me. It is very possible that they all have attachment to her, and didn't want a replacement, and when I was stressed enough that everyone could see it, I probably didn't seem like much in comparison. I wonder if, since I had told my supervisor about my SAD and current impairment, that she went around and asked them if they would rather have her try to visit them as possible here and there.

I do use a light for SAD. I also take St. John's Wort (currently in massive amounts - I need to be more consistent with that on a regular basis and stop playing catch up there). Since I'm already doing what I can about the physiological stuff, and I don't want prescription meds, I don't see the point in going to a medical doctor. I have once before, and then I didn't want a prescription so it was like why was I there. The doctor agreed that I have recurrent depression, and also that St. John's Wort has evidence to support that it works. My previous therapist also agreed that I have SAD, but the current one is more interested in stopping the excuses and labeling, and focusing on being competent and functional. I like that, but sometimes I would like for her to validate that there are reasons for these symptoms and that it is really hard.

I do need to get out and take a walk or something regularly. I get out of that habit every winter when it gets cold, right when I need it the most.

I don't necessarily have work every day, but between work, internship, therapy appointments, and other obligations, there is not one single day this month that I don't have to be somewhere for something for a significant amount of time. I probably could find one day somewhere and take it off. That's scary for a whole new set of reasons that I don't have time to get into right now. I'm not good at taking time off.

Rap