Wrote most of this last night

My husband is pissing me off. He’s been depressed for months. He hasn’t showered in weeks. He refuses to go anywhere or have anyone over. He refuses to even call his T or pdoc. He has no hope and has not done his work in 2+weeks. I don’t think he’s actively suicidal (I was wrong he is but isn’t planning) so I can’t force anything. He’s taking his meds now. I can’t keep lying for him about we’re he is at or why people can’t come over. I don’t know what to do. My parents come over anyway. They haven’t said anything but everyone notices. We see the pnurse Dec. 4th. At least he’s out of bed right? He’s talking about seeing a T again once we get a car (earliest is February).

My son started his meds again tonight. He went to a friend’s house tonight. I don’t think he’s doing well because he just up and told us he found his medication and started again. We weren’t on the subject or anything. He’s up doing things but I know he’s on shaky ground.

How am I, I don’t know not actively suicidal but passively. My family is falling apart I can’t even rightfully deny my husband’s clams he makes. I’m a horrible person. There must be something I could say but I know there’s not. He’s in this hole alone digging further and further down. My kid looks like he has the chickenpox from all the holes he has dug into his arms and face luckily it can be passed off as bad acne. I need more support but I don’t know how to get it. It’s not like anything can be done to help anyway. My therapists here have sucked. I’ve tried to take an extra 5mg of zyprexa in the morning for head chatter. I just slept all day. I don’t know what to do. I almost feel like if he won’t go iop than I should because something has to break the crazy. It’s not like I don’t always fit the requirements.