Dammit. I messed up. So much for feeling empowered. Not sure how I feel about emailing you last night. Thinking about “punishing” myself by not letting myself go this week. Would obviously still pay since I’d be canceling late. Also not sure if I should tell you why I’m canceling because then it all becomes an issue for the next time we meet and that just feels like a distraction. I guess I shouldn’t have emailed because it might be starting that spiral of me feeling needy and disempowered. I need to distance myself from that. I need to not email you for a week before I’m allowed to see you. I think that’s the only way to get my power back. If I were to email you you’d say something like, “I look forward to talking to you if you decide to come.” So there, I said it to myself. Is that the way this is supposed to work now? Who needs a therapist when I can just talk to myself.