Saw my pdoc this afternoon nearly two weeks after discharge. I came out of hospital like a rocket, caught up with heaps of friends and couldn't sit still without getting bored. Since Tuesday last week I have crashed and its only getting worse and heading towards severely depressed again with SI. Today I lay in bed listening to music until my appointment at 3pm. I didn't even eat.

My pdoc is having me get a lithium level taken tomorrow morning and having it urgently sent to him so he can send me the results tomorrow afternoon and adjust my dose if needed. I see him next Tuesday and he is talking med changed which worries me as I have tried just about everything that doesn't cause major weight gain. He also talked about putting me back in hospital if I worsen as my thoughts are starting to get weird and dangerous.

I have been off work for months. I am broke and I want my life back. Trying to be hopeful and meditate to bring peace but despair is creeping in.