I can relate somewhat. I grew up in a strict Christian home. I thought I'd become an atheist for a few years, but I always go back to believing in the faith I grew up with. I've nothing to lose for giving my life to God. It's difficult to believe because it feels sometimes like "this can't be the life God intended for me". Life isn't fair or just. I hope the best for you .
johnny cash sunday morning coming down - Google Search