I'm pretty sure the title says it. I'm not able to move right now. There's a big dinner going on in my building for the residents and I physically can't go. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to see anyone. I feel bad that I feel like this, because one person did the whole thing and really wanted to see everyone there. She even invited me when I spoke with her this morning. I'm simply not able. I'm having a coffee and then I'll take a long nap and hopefully feel good enough to go workout tonight. I did workout this morning but I got overloaded on people there, with the friendly chatter before and after class. I've been in a very grumpy and agitated mood today too.
I know I'm sinking further into depression. I'm also still seeing the flashes and smelling burned electronics that aren't there. I'm spending a lot of time feeling like I'm outside my own body, watching things happen. There's been a lot of fantasizing about suicide lately too. I know I'm not healthy right now. I don't think I'm going to do anything. I don't want to. I think I'll sleep now.
Before anyone asks, I've got pdoc next week and therapist too. I also just saw my therapist last week and he can tell and knows what's going on. We talked about depression. Dunno what my pdoc will do next.