Sometimes I can really just enjoy the moment. I just got up and love how the first cup of coffee tastes. I am lucky that my husband does make me feel loved. He is 61, needs to work until sixty-six but talks about us having adventures again when he retires. I hope we are both healthy enough then and fate allows us to do some of the things we still want to do.

I worry what will happen with my children when I am gone. I am taking all my psych drugs and following doctors orders to ensure I don't attempt again. The drugs seem to help me be a bit stabler when I deal with my son. I am trying to figure out how to help them be more independent and have more adventures for themselves. Of course, I can't do it for them. Like my husband, I am working hard trying to fund our dreams and be there to help them financially. There is a chance I will just have to work till I die because I may have to take care of them the rest of there lives. I try not to stress about it. I can find moments at work I enjoy. Maybe I will figure out a way for them to be more independent, maybe I won't. I am taking it one day at a time and trying not to worry about it as much. I am lucky to be able to work again.