Hi Maya, beautiful name, that.

"...a little concerned" about your ability to go on living? Oh my, we use similarly deflated language to describe our deepest agonies. Maybe that comes from taking care of those around us as we become accustomed to the unwanted and often inappropriate responses we receive. You mentioned putting on that happy face. Anyway, it sure sounds like you need to get in to see your T. Really. Do it.

Without a specific invitation to do so, I'll refrain from saying more than the following as to some of the things you mention about your husband. But I will say that there is not a "healthy" or "cute" level of jealousy. I am also alarmed by the idea that he won't "let" you chat etc, and is reluctant to participate with your therapy. You mentioned that he often exacerbates your depression with some of the things he says. It sounds to me like it might be more than his words alone adding to your difficulty.

I hope you are able to see your T right away. You need some help right now that you are not getting at home.

You are no one's property to be controlled and limited.