Wow, well-said my friend.

I've taken more since I posted last and just took 75mg which is still small but I was on 700 total at one point. That will never happen again either. But zero won't either.

I haven't taken more than 25 at a time before right now and I think this makes it 150 total so far today. A few days ago I balked at even the idea I needed 25mg one time.

Family member was here, it was a huge wake-up call yet again. I'm improving by the hour sometimes it is actually noticeable in that short of time. and it a bizarre experience when that happens. I was so out of it. I had no idea. The 'slide' started a long time ago. Months. The 'fall off the cliff' was in the past week or so. I ate with my dad and I think was first true meal in over a week. It was nice. I didn't know I wasn't eating. Jesus Christ. Does not the whole freakin' world say 'people who have bipolar disorder can not stop taking their medications'??? Yet I still did it. This is going to take months to heal from. The more doses I take the more I understand i need to take it and gain more understanding. Maybe with bigger dose I just took and can do less daytime but hopefully sleep a full night like a normal person? I think several daytime doses is needed still though for now. I knew most people don't get up at 4am at the latest, but didn't register at all really that 4am, sometimes in the 3s, for several weeks in a row, was a sign things were sliding further down hill. Not sure what else to say other than seroquel is about to make me totally collapse and that's probably the best thing to happen to me in many weeks. I may still end up awake at 4am but I will have almost 8 hours at that point and maybe I can dose in middle of night if put by bed. I already had a couple more hours or so daytime. Wow. WTF. I can not believe I did this. It's cliche as **** and I ignored it a million times from others, but don't ever, ever, stop taking an AP unless you are being watched like a hawk. Things can be fine or at least kinda sorta one day, and 2-3 days land you are in psychosis stage and very very ill. I said it earlier in the message and will again. This is going to take months to recover from. I just became aware of this in the last several hours I think. How the **** can you know there's going to be a recovery period, if you aren't even aware there's anything to recover from?