I talked about my generalized anger/frustration that isn't at any person or thing. It's just the emotion and action urges (wanting to throw things, kick things, slam doors, scream). That I think I used to channel it into anger at myself, but if I'm not taking it out on myself it has nowhere to go.
It really started a few months ago when he had me write the stupid ****ing anger letter to my mom that brought up a lot of memories of my childhood that I'd forgotten about/hadn't thought about for many years

It's not fair that I ended up like this. It's not fair that I have to spend all this time trying to undo the damage.

He wanted me to "try to find meaning" in it.
And like when I said I was dealing with anger because of the unfairness he said he didn't want me to "be a victim." He thought it would be "helpful" to find meaning in it.
Like that I'm empathetic and mine or whatever. I told him that was ****ing stupid.

Like it's either fair or it's unfair. I either deserved it/it's my fault, or I didn't deserve it/it's not my fault. And that it would be helpful if there was meaning does not make it true. You can't just choose to find meaning where there isn't any just because it would be convenient.
What's next? Is he going to tell me that everything happens for a reason or some ******** like that?
There's no reason or purpose or deeper meaning. My childhood ****ed me up because my parents sucked as parents and I was an oversensitive whiny little ***** who couldn't toughen up.