I see this is your first post here on PC, KittyBaby. So... welcome to PsychCentral.

What I can tell you with regard to this is that I've done what you did... twice so far. I also have one of those deep pains you referenced... presumably not the same one... but one equally deep I suspect. I guess part of the reason I'm still here is because I'm married & my wife has no one else. (I know that's not what you wanted to hear. But it is one factor.) On the other hand, that hasn't stopped me in the past.

Ultimately, I think what this comes down to, at least for me, is something I think is akin to how alcoholics stay sober. Every day they simply make a decision not to drink. And, likewise, every day I make a decision not to try, once again, to end my life. Some days it's relatively easy to do. Other days it's excruciatingly difficult. I have, for some years now, been a student of the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. Pema teaches the ancient Tibetan Buddhist practices that are referred to as "Lojong" (mind training.) And it is these teachings that have been of the most significance to me in my efforts to keep going day-in & day-out. Chief among these teachings is what is referred to as the practice of compassionate abiding. Here's a link to a mental-health-oriented description of the practice:

Relieve Distress By Allowing It: Compassionate Abiding 101 | Mindset: Perspective Is Everything

And then here are links to 2 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to survive suicidal thoughts:

How to Survive Suicidal Thoughts

Change Suicidal Thoughts by Asking "Says Who?"

Please take care. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.