Almost all the terrible memories came rushing back to me at 14. It took me time to recover and 8 years later here I am. I stopped reliving it maybe 5 years ago. The scent, the patterns, the time of year, 3am don't stopped effecting me as much.

HOWEVER. This year. This end of year has been tormenting me. I stopped having sex because I would see different faces whenever I'd blink. I'm too scared to see the bottom half of a man,

And then the big thing happened.
I was at a concert dancing away and slightly drunk and suddenly I just stop and dont feel okay. my bf asks if I am and I say I dont know and then I see him. the molestor. Everywhere. I see his smile everywhere and then I forget where I am and who I am with. I kept thinking my bf was the molester I kept saying who are you who are you whats your name and I tried my best to say his whole name until I could believe it and sometimes it would slip to the molester. And then i started yelling looking at him scared (I remember some of it but I was drunk) telling him You believe me do you believe me. I'm not lying I promise Im not lying.

This hasn't happened to me. Forgetting my surroundings in a public place. I lived it and relived it over and over and over until I finally ate and relaxed and slept.

So im afraid. Terrified. I thought it stopped effecting me