Hi, Kitty and everybody. I believe Skeezyks has made some very valuable suggestions. I will follow them myself. I also believe that you should probably investigate religious and philosophical traditions, both religious people and philosophers have searched for purpose and meaning for millennia and while it's a neverending research it might be worth pursuing. You might discover you agree with a philosopher or with a religious school of thought and that might help you. That's the advice I once got from my therapist. I hope this gives you something to consider, at least. A big hug from me