((((KittyBaby)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling so badly. Please, remember that things CAN get better... I know it sounds hard to believe now, but once you've reached the bottom, you can only go up. Please, try to hang on to that. Try to find some distractions... little things that you can do everyday... and also remember to talk here and to vent, if it can help you. Do you see a therapist? I'm so sorry you're suffering