I am sorry you're struggling so much. I was where you are as recently as April. I was so angry it didn't work. I still am. So, I get it.

I guess at some point you hopefully find a spark of hope that keeps you going. And you learn to live minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. I think for me, the major reason I am still here is because I have an amazing therapist. He's the only person in my life who hasn't bailed on me or betrayed me in some way. So I try to trust in him, and believe him when he says we can work towards change.

At the end of the day, who knows if I'll make it or not? I know my chances now are probably greater than they were six months ago, but I don't handle crisis well and who knows what the future holds. But I can't let the future, which hasn't happened, be the reason I bail now.

I hope you can get some proper treatment to help you thru this hard time. Living is hard. But you're in good company and support here.