Quote:
Originally Posted by golden_eve
Hi. Welcome to PC.
I am not a psychologist but my most educated guess is that it's easier and safer emotionally to get involved from a distance with people who are a fantasy rather than a reality. People in real life have hurt you very very badly, so it must be extremely hard to trust others and get involved emotionally with others because they can hurt you.
An obsession with a celebrity is all fantasy, and therefore, cannot truly hurt or destroy you, even if you cried when you found out he was involved with someone.
The key is to get yourself to understand why you are obsessing over a celebrity crush, in order to move past it. Even if he was available and single, is it realistic to believe you two would get together? That's most likely never going to happen. But is is safe. The other key is to realize and know that not all people are abusive in the world. There are people that you can trust, that you can open up to, that you can make yourself vulnerable to who won't destroy you mentally or emotionally. But it takes time to develop trust in people again.... keep working with your therapist on this. I am curious how helpful they really are though. What does he/she say about this?
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Thank you so much for your reply! I agree with this being a fantasy because it is safer and easier, and I agree that even if he were single, there would be no chance of us dating. I developed an interest in him because I was so depressed in July and I needed an outlet. My therapist said it makes sense that I would cry because the feelings were real, and that it would be better to make real connections with real people. She thinks this is partly stemming from loneliness too.
I guess I am disappointed in myself because I thought I was over this or that I no longer needed this coping mechanism. I've been in therapy for a year and a half, and I thought my emotional side was more stable. I'm upset because I think this indicates I am not as emotionally mature as I want to be, and I'm ashamed that I'm investing so much energy in being nosy about stranger's lives. That interview which mentions his gf was in 2007, but they have worked together four years after that, and in other things, so I was trying to find out if they were still together in between that time, were they together after, etc.
I'm trying to figure out why this is on my mind. I think it's partly because I want the crush killed, and partly because I am envious that other people have great, loving relationships and I don't.
Since this has been a coping mechanism for so long, I have used it as a motivator to pull me through life. When I was in an abusive relationship in my 20s, I developed a crush on an Irish actor. I started developing a fantasy that I'd go to grad school in Ireland and work on filmmaking there (I have aspirations to be a screenwriter), and this was all concocted so I could meet him. I even started looking at grad school options as a possibility.
I think one of the reasons I do this is because I am not a great self motivator. I always need something external to motivate me.