I don't want to get too wordy about this, but for those of you that followed my "Red-Headed Stepchild" threads, here's an update.

Brief history - my stepmom and I have a terrific relationship and I love her very much, but she also has 2 other kids. She and I have a great time together but she invariably and unapologetically will cancel plans with me if one of her kids subsequently invites her to do something on the same date. Both of my biological parents are deceased, so this is it for me.

I, as the Trustee of my dad's estate, have to buy my stepmom a house according to the Will/Trust agreement that she had set up for him after his brain cancer surgery. I will own the house, but she gets to live in it for the rest of her life. Up until this weekend, she had said that she planned to live in the city close to me and one of my stepbrothers (he and I live in the same neighborhood).

However, now that we're getting things squared away with the estate, we had a conference call this weekend and she revealed that not only has she already picked out a house, but it's 45 minutes away from me; 3 miles from my other stepbrother, who is expecting her 2nd grandchild. She also wants me to buy her the new house now, before the old house is sold, but that is out of the question - I'm not taking that risk.

But my main point is - her preference is clear. Intellectually, I do "get" why she feels closer to her biological children/grandchildren than she does to her stepfamily. I was a stepmom myself for 6 years, so I know the difference. But, if I, a 38-year old adult, still feel tremendously hurt that I'm not as valued as her own kids, how will I convince my little daughter, who I'm due to deliver in 2 months, that "Grandma" does love her as much as her other grandkids, if my stepmom continues such obvious favoritism?

Would I be better off just not going down that path? Maybe I should start referring to my stepmom as "Aunt X" instead of "Grandma"? I know that my stepmom will be offended at this, but at this point, I guess I care more about how my daughter feels than how my stepmom does, given how much she's cared about my feelings.

What do you think?