I'm writing this to maybe help other people not to make the same mistake I have. I recently went to seek professional mental help. For a long time I was depressed and had constant to near constant intrusive thoughts which debilitated me. I also had a real fear of losing myself and did not seek help which in hind sight was not necessary. If you think things are not right or you fear something, you should seek advice and counsel from a mental health professional. It has taken me a long time to get where I am now and I wish I had gone sooner because there was no need to let things progress to where they are now. You can get help and it will make you a better person.