((((rise13eyond)))) I'm so sorry you're struggling. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone has value and deserves to live, even just for existing. I don't know if you have anyone that can support you at the moment, but know that me and many other people here would surely miss you and your posts if you're gone. Please, don't give up... you have a lot to offer as an human being, even if you don't see it.