OMG, you guys.

I am having a horrible case of "cognitive dissonance." In case you aren't familiar with the term, the definition is:

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a psychological state that describes the uncomfortable feeling between what one holds to be true and what one knows to be true.

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Briefly: My former pdoc -- someone I trusted with my life and who truly did wonderful things for me and ended up becoming a friend, not just a shrink -- was accused of impropriety by a female patient. Charges were filed 18 months ago, but it just went to trial Monday.

I have sent him notes here and there offering support, and thought about going to the trial (in my former home, 250 miles away), but was talked out of it by a number of people. That turns out to have been a good thing.

The first story about the trial is now online. I'm acquainted with the reporter. Aside from the fact that he hasn't written what would qualify as an actual story in a solid decade -- he's more of a "slice of life," feature-type guy -- he still knows how to construct a news story. I know WHY he had to give the details that he did. I just wish I hadn't seen them.

Regardless of the jury's verdict, this will be on the Internet forevermore. This guy's career has already been destroyed just by the allegations. To have stuff like this floating around out there....I'm just sick to my stomach, literally.

I know what's out there, and yet I know what *I* know of him, on a deeply personal level, for about a decade, and I can't reconcile the two, and it's making me ill. I am eating Ativan like candy and it's still not helping.

Please -- I don't usually make posts like this, but I really need some support right now.



Candy