that's not an easy question to answer. for many, many years i never believed i could complete the act. last year i came to the realization that i now could do this without a problem. then what stopped me is leaving too many loose ends undone. i could not put my family and friends through the mess of what i left behind. now i'm currently getting everything in order. that's what keeps me from committing suicide.

what is my reason for living? i don't really have a choice...until i get everything in order. there isn't that one thing that says...oh, i just have to live for that! well, ok...i have my cats, but they can go back to the vet's office. my pain has overridden their happiness

my life is one emotional day at a time, then the rest goes from there. it's a mystery for today...