I thought I wrote something of some value on another forum the other day...

I realise I may be making an “assumption” - to me, silence feels cold, unfriendly, harsh.. maybe it isn’t about that, but about something else, not about me...

I doubt if many in this Depression forum would feel supported if nobody replied... it isn’t supportive... especially if our diagnosis and / or our experiences are questioned (thinly veiled or otherwise) because we aren’t exactly the same .. we aren’t how we, apparently, “should” be..according to another person.. an “expert” (?)

I was never as I “should” be as a cub. According to the “experts” - and that pain is deep. I can’t just move on.. especially when my pain is triggered.

Maybe I am not “avoidant” and have “no right” to post there. I doubt if I will bother anyway... posting isn’t easy for me. I don’t like putting myself out there and receiving a zero, or judgment.

If this post is against the guidelines please remove it.

But when I post I try to post something that may be of value to others.. of course maybe it isn’t.. and I “should” .. oh whatever.

This post isn’t meant to be hurtful to anyone.

The Silence tells me .. the Judgment is that I am not welcome there... oh how I hate being told I’m of “no value” and deserve no support..

I was diagnosed as “avoidant” . (By a “senior clinician” irl) Maybe this was wrong. I don’t know...But I try to support others. Maybe I “fail”

The silence, the judgment... “supports” my core pain... “no value”

And yet I know this is a lie..

I’m tired of waking up every day with crushing depression and anxiety.

I’m tired of, apparently, not being worth caring about by people who don’t like fuzzy bears.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells to avoid being reprimanded or worse.

I think I’ll only interact with those on as is.. with those (if any) who care about fuzzy bear....

I do not know why this world enjoys hurting fuzzy bear

(Not about anyone on pc)