I personally believe that treatment is better than untreated; with medication I can work again I don't have to worry about anxiety or bipolar with my medication. I still have a few breakthroughs of anxiety but it's never to the point where I was having a panic attack a day. If I wasn't on medication, I wouldn't feel like the me I like, I would feel like depressed zombie me.

I'm sorry you are having a hard time adjusting to the Clozaril, I know it is certainly a pain getting lab work done every week and weekly trips to the pharmacy. Have you tried anything else medication wise, Seroquel, Zyprexa, Geodon, Saphris, Abilify, Vraylar, Latuda? It might be worth talking to your doc about trying something else.

I am sorry you are struggling to find a mediation that works, but trust me when I say the moment you find your combo you will feel more like you than you ever remember feeling since that diagnosis.